Anything for my Bella
by ForeverRobsessed
Summary: This is a part of chapter 19 Selfish of Eclipse from Edward's POV. What was going through his mind when Bella asked him to be with her, leaving his family to face the newborns without him ? Please read and review !


**A/N : this is my first attempt at a Fanfic ! I really hope you like it. Please review to help me get better. Thanks !**

**DISCLAIMER - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight !**

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I carried Bella home in my arms. She dozed off just a few minutes after I started running. I quickly scaled the wall of her home, entered her room and gently placed her on the bed. Then I removed her shoes and tucked the blanket around her snugly before lying down on the bed beside her. She sighed softly as I pulled her into my arms and murmured my name once in her sleep. My beautiful, stubborn Bella. It had been almost 24 hours since she last slept but she insisted on coming to the clearing and like a hundred times before, I couldn't refuse her.

As tired as she was, she was still very restless all night- tossing and turning in her fitful sleep. She mumbled some incomprehensible things, I could make out something about "the third wife" though I had no idea what it meant. She also called out to me a few times, saying that we couldn't keep her away. Away from what? I didn't understand. But I softly caressed her face and her arms and hummed her lullaby, hoping to provide some comfort in her slumber.

Charlie checked in once before leaving, while I hid in her closet. Then I took my place beside Bella again and held her close as she slept through the morning and even the afternoon, still agitated by her dreams. Finally, her breathing became a little uneven and I realised she was awake. Her hands stretched out on the bed, looking for me.

"Edward?" she mumbled.

I held her hand in mine and squeezed her fingers.

"Are you really awake this time?" I asked her.

"Mmm," she sighed. "Have there been a lot of false alarms?"

"You've been very restless - talking all day."

"All day?" she gasped and looked at the windows.

"You had a long night," I said reassuringly. "You'd earned a day in bed."

"Wow." Bella muttered, surprised.

"Hungry?" I guessed. "Do you want breakfast in bed?"

"I'll get it. I need to get up and move around."

I was worried that she was sleepwalking, so I held her hand all the way to the kitchen.  
I watched curiously as Bella fixed her meal. Every little detail of her human life was fascinating to me, even after all this time.

She looked into her reflection into the cabinets. "Ugh, I'm a mess."

"It was a long night," I soothed her. She was always beautiful to me anyway. "You should have stayed here and slept."

"Right! And missed everything. You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I'm part of the family now."

I couldn't help but smile. "I could probably get used to that idea."

As Bella began to eat, my gaze fell on the tiny wooden wolf dangling from her wrist. So Jacob had got her a graduation present and she had accepted it. "May I?" I asked, reaching for it.

Bella gulped. "Um, sure."

I examined the tiny figurine in my palm. I heard Bella's heartbeat pick up. Then I let it fall. I couldn't pinpoint exactly the emotions coursing through me. She accepted his gift so easily, while she claimed to detest even the idea of any present that I would offer. I didn't know what to make of that. But I did not let my emotions show on my face as I feared it would really upset her. I couldn't resist making the observation out loud, though.

"Jacob Black can give you presents."

Bella hurried to explain, "You've given me presents. You know I like the homemade kind."

Homemade…. I racked my brain and was reminded of the jewels and trinkets I had inherited from my birth mother, particularly the heart-shaped diamond. Would she accept it? I pursed my lips for a second. "How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?"

"What do you mean?"

I traced the outline of her wrist with a finger. "This bracelet. You'll be wearing this a lot?"

She shrugged with forced casualness.

"Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings," I offered.

"Sure, I guess so."

"Don't you think it's fair, then," I asked, looking down at her hand as I spoke. I turned it palm up, and ran my finger along the veins in her wrist. "If I have a little representation?"

"Representation?"

"A charm - something to keep me on your mind."

"You're in every thought I have. I don't need reminders."

"If I gave you something, would you wear it?" I insisted.

"A hand-me-down?" she verified warily.

"Yes, something I've had for a while." I pulled out my crooked smile that always seemed to break down her resistance.

It worked ! "Whatever makes you happy."

I couldn't help but ask her to explain her behaviour, even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer. As I spoke, I couldn't keep the accusation out of my tone.

"Have you noticed the inequality? Because I certainly have."

"What inequality?"

My eyes narrowed. "Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?"

She shrugged casually. "You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me you. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."

I thought about that for a moment, and then rolled my eyes. "The way you regard me is ludicrous."

I expected a retort but there was none. Before I could say anything else, my phone buzzed.

I checked the caller ID. "What is it, Alice?"

"Edward, I have been seeing visions of Bella wandering alone in the forest all day. They are getting clearer, so I think she is getting stronger in her resolve to be in the clearing. She's not going to be able to find us, though. She is just roaming directionlessly and let me tell you, it's going to take some time to look for her later." Alice said to me.

"I sort of guessed as much," I replied, staring into Bella's eyes with a scowl. "She was talking in her sleep."

"I warned her last night but I guess I should have known Bella would never back down so easily." She said.

"I'll take care of it," I assured her and hung up. Bella was blushing, looking embarrassed. She could probably make out the purpose of Alice's phone call. I glared at her.

"Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?" I asked her.

Bella didn't say anything for a moment, staring broodingly at the table, not meeting my eyes.

"I like Jasper's idea," she finally said and I groaned in exasperation. "I want to help. I have to do something," she added earnestly.

"It wouldn't help to have you in danger." I tried to make her see reason, but this was Bella Swan I was speaking to.

"Jasper thinks it would. This is his area of expertise." She insisted.

Seeing my unwavering expression, she resorted to threats. "You can't keep me away. I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."

Her innocence made me smile. "Alice doesn't see you in the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward."

"That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater," she replied calmly. "If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."

Anger shot through me, and I took a deep breath to compose myself. "That might have worked . . . if you hadn't told me. Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."

This did not deter her as she smilingly answered, "But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I'll bet Sam would rather do me a favor than you."

"Maybe you're right. But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders."

She frowned. "Jacob?"

"Jacob is second in command. Did he never tell you that? His orders have to be followed, too."

I had to smile now at her dumbfounded expression. She looked defeated, she knew as well as I did that just in this one matter, Jacob would agree with me. Nothing was more important to either of us than Bella's safety. She was still stunned speechless so I continued talking softly, hoping to distract her.

"I got a fascinating look into the pack's mind last night. It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche . . . Absolutely fascinating."

Bella realised what I was trying to do and glowered at me, her lips pressed together into a hard line. "Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets," I said with a grin. "For instance, did you note the smaller grey wolf there last night?"

She bobbed her head once stiffly, like a wooden doll and I chuckled. "They take all of their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for."

Finally Bella relented and sighed, her curiosity piqued. "Okay, I'll bite. What are you talking about?"

"They always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform."

"So someone changed who wasn't a direct descendant?"

"No. She's a direct descendant, all right."

"She?" Bella choked out, astonished.

I nodded. "She knows you. Her name is Leah Clearwater."

"Leah's a werewolf! What? For how long? Why didn't Jacob tell me?" Bella almost shouted.

"There are things he wasn't allowed to share - their numbers, for instance. Like I said before, when Sam gives an order, the pack simply isn't able to ignore it. Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me. Of course, after last night that's all out the window."

"I can't believe it. Leah Clearwater!" She was then lost in thought, probably recognising some of the clues in hindsight. Then her expression became sad. "Poor Leah," she whispered.

I snorted. "She's making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I'm not sure she deserves your sympathy."

"What do you mean?"

"It's hard enough for them, having to share all their thoughts. Most of them try to cooperate, make it easier. When even one member is deliberately malicious, it's painful for everyone."

"She has reason enough," Bella defended quietly.

"Oh, I know," I told her. "The imprinting compulsion is one of the strangest things I've ever witnessed in my life, and I've seen some strange things." I shook my head wonderingly. "The way Sam is tied to his Emily is impossible to describe - or I should say her Sam. Sam really had no choice. It reminds me of A Midsummer Night's Dream with all the chaos caused by the fairies' love spells . . . like magic." I smiled. "It's very nearly as strong as the way I feel about you." Very near indeed, but certainly not as strong as that.

"Poor Leah," she said again. "But what do you mean, malicious?"

"She's constantly bringing up things they'd rather not think of. For example, Embry."

"What's with Embry?" She questioned.

"His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She's not Quileute. Everyone assumed she'd left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack."

Bella did not get it. "So?"

"So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley, or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course." I explained.

"No!" She gasped, thoroughly caught up in the story.

"Now Sam, Jacob, and Quil all wonder which of them has a half-brother. They'd all like to think it's Sam, since his father was never much of a father. But the doubt is always there. Jacob's never been able to ask Billy about that."

"Wow. How did you get so much in one night?"

"The pack mind is mesmerizing. All thinking together and then separately at the same time. There's so much to read!"

Bella laughed at the slight regret in my voice. "The pack is fascinating. Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me. I have to be in that clearing, Edward."

"No," I said in a very final tone.

Then suddenly, her expression changed and since I could read her face well now, I would guess that a new plan of action had just occurred to her. I waited warily, watching as a range of conflicting emotions flickered across her face. After a moment she looked down at the table and whispered very softly, "Okay, look, Edward, here's the thing . . . I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. _And I can't stand it if you leave me again_."

As soon as the words left her mouth, I froze, taking a sharp breath as pain shot through me… the same pain as what I felt in those months away from her – the worst part of my limitless existence. She had felt the same pain and it was evident in her shaky voice now. I couldn't bear to see her like this. My beautiful angel. I had caused her so much pain. I had broken her trust. But this was different. I was going to come back to her. I couldn't ever try to leave her ever again. She had to understand that.

I put my arms around my love, stroking her face, her arms. She was rigid and quiet in my embrace.

"You know it's not like that, Bella," I murmured gently. "I won't be far, and it will be over quickly."

"I can't stand it," She insisted, still staring down. "Not knowing whether or not you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over?"

I sighed. "It's going to be easy, Bella. There's no reason for your fears."

"None at all?"

"None." I answered in a sure voice, hoping she would trust me.

"And everybody will be fine?"

"Everyone," I promised.

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?"

"Of course not. Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily."

"That's right - you said it was so easy that someone could sit out," she repeated my words. "Did you really mean that?"

"Yes." She was trying to lead me somewhere…..

"So easy that you could sit out?"

Again, I froze. I couldn't think of anything to say. Once again, she had said the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. My Bella was always so selfless. She always put everyone else's needs before hers. But today, today for the first time, she was asking me for something for herself.

She waited for a moment. As I said nothing she took a deep breath and continued, "So it's one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or . . . it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"

The faces of my family members flashed in my mind. Bella was always my first priority, but could I do this? Could I hide away when they all were fighting for us?

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" I asked her quietly.

"Yes", she replied in an even voice, still looking down. "Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."

I took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. I put my hands on either side of her face and forced her to look into my eyes. Her mind was silent to me, but her bottomless eyes revealed her thoughts to me. I could see all the emotions clearly in them – guilt, the most dominant because I knew she loved my family as much her own; fear, for their safety as well as mine; determination, not to allow me to make her back down on this; and finally, love – deep, everlasting love. I still couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to have that love for myself. She saw something in me that I would probably never understand. She was my light and my joy. The reason for my existence. Always giving, never asking for anything in return. I decided that there was no way I could deny her this. Had the situation been reversed, I too would never have been able to let her go away alone where there was danger to her life. It would kill me if I had to do that.

I owed her this. I had left her once, putting her through the worst pain imaginable. I had underestimated her feelings. I would never do that again. I would never be able to make up for all her suffering, but I could at least give her anything she wanted. No matter how it affected me, I wouldn't deny her anything.

I pulled out my phone and called Alice.

"Yes, Edward?" she answered.

"Could you come babysit Bella for a bit?" I raised one eyebrow at Bella, daring her to oppose to the word. "I need to speak with Jasper."

Alice sighed. "Yeah, I've seen it. You are not going to fight. Well, I'll be there in a few minutes."

I put away the phone and stared at Bella's face again.

"What are you going to say to Jasper?" she whispered warily.

"I'm going to discuss . . . me sitting out." I couldn't keep my voice even. This was very hard for me, but there was nothing I wouldn't do for Bella.

"I'm sorry." She could see that on my face.

"Don't apologize," I said, giving her a tiny reassuring smile. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need . . ." I shrugged. "You are my first priority."

"I didn't mean it that way - like you have to choose me over your family." She said with guilt and pain evident in her voice.

"I know that", I tried to comfort her. "Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that I could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work."

She leaned forward and pressed her forehead into my chest. I wrapped her tightly in my embrace. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime," I answered honestly, kissing her hair. "Anything."

We didn't move for a long moment. I could tell she was still upset about what she was asking me to do, so I changed the subject. I was reminded of something she said in her sleep. "Who's the third wife?" I asked.

"Huh?" she said, looking perplexed.

"You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night. The rest made a little sense, but you lost me there."

"Oh. Um, yeah. That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night." Bella shrugged. "I guess it stuck with me."

I leaned away to look into her face. Her voice was hesitant and I didn't understand why. But before I could ask her anything else Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway. "You're going to miss all the fun," she grumbled.

"Hello, Alice," I greeted her. "I'll be back later tonight," I promised Bella, kissing her goodbye. "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things."

"Okay."

"There's not much to arrange," Alice said. "I already told them. Emmett is pleased."

I couldn't help but sigh as I smiled a little, "Of course he is."

Then I ran towards our house, hoping the others would understand. I thought they would, because I knew that had any one of them been in such a situation, they, too, would have put their mate's needs before all else. That was just how we functioned. Nothing in this world was more important to me than my beautiful Bella. As much as I loved my family, Bella is my reason, my angel, my love, my life….. forever.

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**A/N - so ? like it ? hate it ? please let me know. I would love to know your thoughts. so take a few seconds of your time and type something in the box below. THANKS FOR READING :)**


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